… then the bunnies outsmarted me.

What’s up, doc?

A rabbit is back. Or maybe it never left.

You might know that my son recently built a new gate in the fence for me.  It’s lovely. But it also has become an obstacle for the rabbits who used the gap below the old fence as their cruciferous- no, corpuscular- no, crepuscular daily egress. I can never remember that word!

Perhaps you follow me on TikTok. Maybe you saw my Operation Rabbit
Video on Facebook.

If so, you already know that I have carefully woven numerous rabbit deterrent strategies into my fall outdoor work. To date, they include the following:

– Deer- and rabbit-deterrent pellets: Shaped like a cross between a golf ball and a football, these 2 inch marvels stink from a combination of essential oils like garlic, peppermint and tea tree.
– Irish Spring bar soap, gently shaved into tiny bits using an upright grater.
– Deer and rabbit deterrent crystals, purchased online.
– Annoying music in three styles from YouTube:
          – Binaural beats
          – A mix of hoot owls, weird sirens and clicks and buzzes
          – Hip-hop music

Our process was deliberate. First, we observed Eliza the Wonder Dog using her Poodle blood to sniff out the paths of the offending critters and point when she finds a rabbit under cover.

Next, we researched strategies to discourage rabbits. Surprisingly, there are many more cute Support Your Bunny pet videos than Let’s Drive ‘Em Out ones.

Then I began asking my friends for their advice. Mostly, they shrugged, but they were eager to hear how the caper played out.

Being a cheapskate, I wanted to get the most for my money on the project. That meant carefully consulting the weather predictions. I wanted at least three days and nights without rain before initiating the proceedings.

I began by chopping down the last of the wilting lilies in their bed on the north side of the deck. Eliza had identified with her nose that this bed was a crucial point of rabbit ingress under the deck. I had seen a rabbit or two blissfully munching on the vegetables in an adjacent bed, so I determined that the lily bed would be the focal point for a forced exit. Then I plugged any gaps under the fence on the south side of the deck and put Eliza inside. No sense having to chase her if she raced out the open gate.

One of my sons brought over an endoscopic camera. We wired it onto an old pool net handle and shoved it under the deck to surveil the hidden area. But not much was identifiable! Some floor joists and busted concrete were all we saw.

No matter! Undaunted, I devised my plan.

Step One: Slingshot the pellets under the large deck. Improvise a slingshot from a bungee cord. Poke and flip further underneath the ones that bounce back from the hardware cloth. Drop two into knotholes that emerged in the decking this year.

Step Two: Use the leaf blower to shoot paper plates full of Irish Spring soap shavings under the deck from the perimeter- except for the north side, where the pests would be herded to escape the bombardment.

Step Three: Shake crystalized deterrent powder all around the perimeter behind the hostas that line the edge of the deck, except for the north side.

Step Four: Around 6:30 PM, queue up my carefully-researched rabbit-deterrent sounds on YouTube to play on loop via the iPad. Turn the volume as loud as it will go and aim the speaker under the deck from the bed of hostas on the west side.

Step Five: Connect the portable Bluetooth speaker to my device inside the house to blast the rabbits with annoying binaural beats. Once again, place the speaker behind the hostas, this time on the south side of the deck.

Step Six: Open the garden gate and the fence gate wide, so the rabbits will have an exit path from the lily bed through the garden, into the yard and out into someone else’s yard, or better yet, into the overgrowth behind the neighborhood houses.

Simple, once it was all laid out.

My research had suggested sprinkling flour on the ground to see the rabbits’ tracks, but I decided against it. I mean, have you priced flour lately?

The process was in place for two nights. Both mornings afterward, Eliza sniffed along the flower beds and over to the gate.  Hmmm… Were the rabbits returning? On the third night, I made two changes. I only opened the gate to the yard slightly, propping it with an oversized brick. I also switched up the audio.

One of the deterrent websites suggested other noises that rabbits don’t like. One was a camera shutter. Really? As if.

Another was hip-hop music. Yep, that could be annoying.

So I changed from binaural beats to hip-hop and came inside to wait. The deep beats and sing-songy voices pounded in the backyard. I cringed. The whole neighborhood probably did, too. 

Well, I reasoned, I put up with the sounds of kids screaming all summer in the backyard across the way. They owed me a couple hours of hip-hop. Right? And after all, some people like it.

Just as I decided to try to give hip-hop a fair shake, I caught some lyrics. Uhhh.. Maybe not the best for the little kids in the house behind us. I quickly searched for “clean lyrics” hip-hop. Hmmm… Would it work if the lyrics weren’t vulgar? What exactly was it about the music that offended rabbits?

“No, stop,” I scolded myself. “This is getting ridiculous!”

I blasted the weird, nonsensical lyrics under the deck. They echoed through the neighborhood until about 9:30, when I took Eliza out. When her feet touched the grass, she was on the scent with her nose in the ground, pulling me through the dark toward the fence. She stopped at the wheelbarrow and then sniffed her way toward the partially-open gate.

Could that have been their trail? Were the rabbits finally gone? I dared not hope but fell asleep pleased with our work.

In the morning, after Eliza’s long walk, I let her loose in the back yard. Feeling like a detective, I watched her every movement. She wandered the yard, stopping to look at something in the grass, then something near the lone tomato plant. Nothing in particular pulled her attention. Was our yard now boring? What a delightful idea! But what a disappointment this must be for the pup, I thought. For half a second. 

Not daring to say it aloud, I whooped to myself, “The rabbits are GONE! It worked!” 

So now, we’ve enjoyed five days of poor Eliza walking around downcast in the back yard with nothing fun to sniff or chase. My idea of a job well done! Pat-our-back time!

And then, this afternoon, it happened.

I was standing at the kitchen sink rinsing my lunch bowl, just peacefully looking out the kitchen window into the lily bed thinking of whether I should mulch it before winter, when I saw it.

The fattest wild rabbit I’d ever seen, calmly munching on violet leaves. Right amongst what was left of the lilies! I harrumphed. After all that work! 

My diabolical side kicked in: Eliza was in for a treat!

I called my daughter to the window to watch where the little fiend ran when she saw the dog. Then I headed to the back door to let out Eliza. She leaped off the deck and into the grass before I even got to the green deck gate. When that smart pup saw that the blue garden gate was closed, she dashed back and bounded through the green deck gate and past the lily bed. The chase was on!

That rabbit may have been plump, but it wasn’t slow. It was no fool. It practically flew between the raised steel beds, past the blue gate, straight to where the sage grew near the tall fence at the corner. 

The corner? My mind raced. That was near one of the wooden beds that hadn’t been replaced in the spring, so I couldn’t vouch for the status of anything back there.

By the time I got there, Eliza’s nose was already on the ground investigating what was left of the rabbit. Just her scent. I shooed her away and saw what I had missed: a gap under the fence in the corner.

Wide enough to let even a fat rabbit scamper underneath!

Well, enough of that! Behind the shed, I found a leftover piece of 4 x 4 and another 6 x 6. They’d be perfect to wedge in at the base of the fence.

So there, rabbits! 

Dare I believe they are gone for good?

Stay tuned. If Eliza finds a little apron or tiny blue jacket with a button missing, the story may very well continue!

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