Category: grief

  • Grief By the Numbers at Five Months

    Grief By the Numbers at Five Months

    After… 28 years of marriage3300 nights together23 weeks since Jerry died153 days since Jerry died3 times I’ve left the house wearing mismatched socks8 physical books I’ve read6 times I’ve snapped at someone who is just trying to help me7 days I have baked goodies20 times I’ve remembered the day we met148 mornings I’ve kept to my chronological Bible-reading plan5 times…

  • Why I Don’t Have A Home Church Anymore

    Why I Don’t Have A Home Church Anymore

    My Quaker faith journey was interrupted. As a young, single mother who had returned to my beloved Friends meeting where I grew up, I eventually was tapped to serve on the Ministry and Oversight Committee. What incredible work!  I was honored to be nominated and took my responsibilities seriously. Unfortunately, my idealism and understanding of…

  • When the World Literally Starts Spinning

    When the World Literally Starts Spinning

    Nothing seems straight these days. Aside from Jerry’s dying in the hospital just as we were ready to leave after his heart surgery and recovery, other things aren’t quite lining up, either. I first noticed it in my kitchen.  In those early days of wanting the kids nearby, I offered to make supper for us…

  • Working Together – Apart

    It was always Jerry’s. I tried to leave it alone, even when I learned something new or remembered something from my class taught by the experts.  But now, without him, the garden along the fence- his garden- is a mess. Eventually, we learned a secret to sustain our successful second marriage. Or else we came…

  • One Month Later: Knowing Myself is Crucial

    One Month Later: Knowing Myself is Crucial

    At 66, I’ve learned a thing or two. Much about teaching and learning, of course. Also a bit about succeeding and “failing.” And a good deal about myself, too. This past month has been the ultimate exam in how well I know myself. One thing I’ve learned during this past month of my new situation-…

  • A Way Home

    A Way Home

    Ashesmore like sand in     a plastic box inside     a cardboard cartonwith his name printedon the label.That’s all.Ninety minutes of brake! andaccelerate!on the four-lane,again at the four-ways and traffic lightson the snakingdetours.I watch my estimatedarrival timetick past the appointment time and inchtoward the 4:00 closing time.  I call,shouting into the car speakerthat I’ll be late. She…

  • Guest Post: “What Good” by Sally Shideler

    Guest Post: “What Good” by Sally Shideler

    Earlier this month, my husband, Jerry Miller, passed away unexpectedly. In the ensuing chaos, confusion, and grief, I’m turning over my blog space this week to a guest post. Please enjoy the poem “What Good,” by my daughter, Sally Shideler, as she processes the loss of her stepfather and second dad:         What good isa handmade…